At this moment, in playgrounds and classrooms throughout the
country, on cell phones, or on computers in the sanctity of private homes, a
child is the victim of a bully.
Since the beginning of time, bullies have been wreaking their havoc on those they perceive as weak, and perhaps those they feel threatened by, or those who they feel are different.Verbal, physical, and cyberbullying are on-going problems in schools throughout the country.
More than five million students in grades six through eleven in the United States are affected by bullying, according to the National Institute of Health, 2000.
Lauren D. Bas, School Counselor at the Ridgewood Avenue School (Grades 3-6) in Glen Ridge, New Jersey offers some insight and suggestions on how we can work together to make our schools bully free.
Editor: How do you define a bully?
Ms. Bas: Bullying is when a child deliberately and repeatedly hurts, threatens, or taunts another child. It is an imbalance of power and can come in many forms; verbal (yelling, teasing, insulting), physical (pushing, hitting, kicking), and/or social/indirect (excluding, cyber, spreading rumors).
Editor: What are the signs that your child is being bullied?
Ms. Bas: Victims of bullying may experience anxiety, low self-esteem, and even depression. They may withdraw from school activities or friends, have difficulty focusing in school, frequent visits to nurse, not eat their lunch or have problems sleeping at night, and even refuse to come to school. Watch and listen to your child, create a plan with them if something is going on and follow up to ensure that the bullying has stopped.
Editor: What are the signs that your child is a bully?
Ms. Bas: Bullies and bullying can look different at different ages. But often are hot tempered, inflexible, and don't like to follow rules. They enjoying dominating or controlling others and many times overreact aggressively to situations.
Editor: What steps should a child take if he is a victim? Who should he tell?
Ms. Bas: Talking to your child if they are a victim is very important. They need to know that it isn't their fault and encourage them to be assertive. At our school we encourage students to follow the 4 STAR steps if they experience or witness bullying. S-Stick together, T- Tell the bully to stop, A- Alert an Adult, R- respect each other always. It's a simple way for them to remember and practice being confident; responding appropriately and getting help from someone they trust. If they don't feel comfortable standing up to the bully they can always surround themselves with another friend who might help them and you can always walk away.
Editor: How do you determine the difference between being bullied and being overly sensitive?
Ms. Bas: Anyone can be a target to bullying, especially those who are overly sensitive and passive, but that doesn't change the definition of bullying. If the behavior from the other child is intentional and repeated to hurt the other child, then it's still bullying. We discuss in our classroom lessons that we need to be sensitive to other's feelings and how some things might hurt someone's feelings while another person is ok with it. It's a social skill that we need to practice with them and discuss throughout the year.
Editor: How do you counsel a child who is being bullied? How do you counsel a bully?
Ms. Bas: Counseling a child who is a victim of bullying and counseling a bullying really need to be handled on a case-by-case basis. The child's background is important along with what else they are experiencing in their lives. Role playing and going through a variety of scenarios and practicing specific responses can be helpful for both children. The concentration when counseling a victim should focus on empowering them through work on self-esteem, assertiveness, and problem solving.The focus for bullies needs to be on problem solving, accountability, empathy, what they are gaining from their behavior and what changes can be made to make friends.
Since the beginning of time, bullies have been wreaking their havoc on those they perceive as weak, and perhaps those they feel threatened by, or those who they feel are different.Verbal, physical, and cyberbullying are on-going problems in schools throughout the country.
More than five million students in grades six through eleven in the United States are affected by bullying, according to the National Institute of Health, 2000.
Lauren D. Bas, School Counselor at the Ridgewood Avenue School (Grades 3-6) in Glen Ridge, New Jersey offers some insight and suggestions on how we can work together to make our schools bully free.
Editor: How do you define a bully?
Ms. Bas: Bullying is when a child deliberately and repeatedly hurts, threatens, or taunts another child. It is an imbalance of power and can come in many forms; verbal (yelling, teasing, insulting), physical (pushing, hitting, kicking), and/or social/indirect (excluding, cyber, spreading rumors).
Editor: What are the signs that your child is being bullied?
Ms. Bas: Victims of bullying may experience anxiety, low self-esteem, and even depression. They may withdraw from school activities or friends, have difficulty focusing in school, frequent visits to nurse, not eat their lunch or have problems sleeping at night, and even refuse to come to school. Watch and listen to your child, create a plan with them if something is going on and follow up to ensure that the bullying has stopped.
Editor: What are the signs that your child is a bully?
Ms. Bas: Bullies and bullying can look different at different ages. But often are hot tempered, inflexible, and don't like to follow rules. They enjoying dominating or controlling others and many times overreact aggressively to situations.
Editor: What steps should a child take if he is a victim? Who should he tell?
Ms. Bas: Talking to your child if they are a victim is very important. They need to know that it isn't their fault and encourage them to be assertive. At our school we encourage students to follow the 4 STAR steps if they experience or witness bullying. S-Stick together, T- Tell the bully to stop, A- Alert an Adult, R- respect each other always. It's a simple way for them to remember and practice being confident; responding appropriately and getting help from someone they trust. If they don't feel comfortable standing up to the bully they can always surround themselves with another friend who might help them and you can always walk away.
Editor: How do you determine the difference between being bullied and being overly sensitive?
Ms. Bas: Anyone can be a target to bullying, especially those who are overly sensitive and passive, but that doesn't change the definition of bullying. If the behavior from the other child is intentional and repeated to hurt the other child, then it's still bullying. We discuss in our classroom lessons that we need to be sensitive to other's feelings and how some things might hurt someone's feelings while another person is ok with it. It's a social skill that we need to practice with them and discuss throughout the year.
Editor: How do you counsel a child who is being bullied? How do you counsel a bully?
Ms. Bas: Counseling a child who is a victim of bullying and counseling a bullying really need to be handled on a case-by-case basis. The child's background is important along with what else they are experiencing in their lives. Role playing and going through a variety of scenarios and practicing specific responses can be helpful for both children. The concentration when counseling a victim should focus on empowering them through work on self-esteem, assertiveness, and problem solving.The focus for bullies needs to be on problem solving, accountability, empathy, what they are gaining from their behavior and what changes can be made to make friends.
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Editor: In your experience what skills have worked best for a child to deal with a bully?
Ms. Bas: Children who advocate for themselves by standing up to the bullying with confidence along with seeking out support from adults (parents, counselor, and administrators) are the most successful in dealing with a bully.
Editor: Is there a consistent strategy at the school to deal with bullying?
Ms. Bas: In 2002, NJ adopted a law that requires each school district to adopt a policy prohibiting bullying in schools.Glen Ridge's policy outlines the procedure for reporting bullying and the steps in the investigation.I, along with the principals, take each incident seriously and once we confirm that the behavior has occurred administration determines an appropriate consequence.
On a daily basis we work on making Ridgewood Avenue School bully free. We teach lessons to all classrooms, do school wide assemblies and activities. Additionally, I run groups and see students individually who are struggling with bullying.
Editor: What can parents do at home if their child is a victim of a bully? Parents of a bully?
Ms. Bas: At home it is most important that children feel that they can talk openly about what is going on in school especially bullying.If your child is a victim listen carefully to what they are saying, let them know there are ways to make it stop, offer your support and notify someone at school.Help them to develop strategies for addressing the problem if it happens again.Follow up to ensure that it does stop.
It is most important for children who are bullying to have consequences, take responsibility, and understands what they did, why their behavior is wrong, and how it affects those around them.Talk to them about how they feel when it's happening and after.Talk to school administrators to encourage positive behavior and better decisions.
Editor: Do you find that there is a lot of bullying at the school?
Ms. Bas: There could be more and there could be a lot less.But I'm positive there is even more than we are aware of due to lack of reporting.Students, whether they are the victim or bystanders, need to continue to be encouraged to report bullying of all forms so we can intervene.
Editor: In your experience what skills have worked best for a child to deal with a bully?
Ms. Bas: Children who advocate for themselves by standing up to the bullying with confidence along with seeking out support from adults (parents, counselor, and administrators) are the most successful in dealing with a bully.
Editor: Is there a consistent strategy at the school to deal with bullying?
Ms. Bas: In 2002, NJ adopted a law that requires each school district to adopt a policy prohibiting bullying in schools.Glen Ridge's policy outlines the procedure for reporting bullying and the steps in the investigation.I, along with the principals, take each incident seriously and once we confirm that the behavior has occurred administration determines an appropriate consequence.
On a daily basis we work on making Ridgewood Avenue School bully free. We teach lessons to all classrooms, do school wide assemblies and activities. Additionally, I run groups and see students individually who are struggling with bullying.
Editor: What can parents do at home if their child is a victim of a bully? Parents of a bully?
Ms. Bas: At home it is most important that children feel that they can talk openly about what is going on in school especially bullying.If your child is a victim listen carefully to what they are saying, let them know there are ways to make it stop, offer your support and notify someone at school.Help them to develop strategies for addressing the problem if it happens again.Follow up to ensure that it does stop.
It is most important for children who are bullying to have consequences, take responsibility, and understands what they did, why their behavior is wrong, and how it affects those around them.Talk to them about how they feel when it's happening and after.Talk to school administrators to encourage positive behavior and better decisions.
Editor: Do you find that there is a lot of bullying at the school?
Ms. Bas: There could be more and there could be a lot less.But I'm positive there is even more than we are aware of due to lack of reporting.Students, whether they are the victim or bystanders, need to continue to be encouraged to report bullying of all forms so we can intervene.
Subscribe to ParentTimes and get great articles like this. Subscribe now.
Bullies
Flaunting strength and power
Wanting you to be scared
Domination by force
Intimidation through fear
Hurting people's feelings
Taking advantage of the meek
Humiliating belittling threats
Victimizing the weak
Others feelings unimportant
Bulldozing anyone in the way
Frightening terrorizing traumatizing
Anyone not doing what they say
We know who you are
--- Paul M.Kramer
Flaunting strength and power
Wanting you to be scared
Domination by force
Intimidation through fear
Hurting people's feelings
Taking advantage of the meek
Humiliating belittling threats
Victimizing the weak
Others feelings unimportant
Bulldozing anyone in the way
Frightening terrorizing traumatizing
Anyone not doing what they say
We know who you are
--- Paul M.Kramer
Quote from Bullies Beware! By Paul M. Kramer, Aloha Publishers LLC.
The Bully Epidemic:
Facts about Bullying:
*Bullying has been identified as a major concern by schools across the U.S. (NEA, 2003)
*Verbal bullying is the most frequent form of bullying.Boys are more likely to be physically bullied by their peers; girls are more likely to report being targets of rumors or social exclusion (Olweus, 2002).
*Stresses of being bullied can interfere with student's engagement and learning in school (NEA Today, 1999).
*Bullying can be a sign of other serious antisocial or violent behavior (Nansel et al; 2003; Olweus 1993)
*25% of teachers see nothing wrong with bullying or putdowns and consequently intervene in only 4 percent of bullying incidents (Cohn & Canter, 2002)
*Students often feel that adult intervention is infrequent and unhelpful. They often fear that telling adults will only bring more harassment from bullies (Banks, 1997).
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